Desire Rather Then Decree

Darien told Bud Fox that having money and then losing it was worse then never having any money at all. The second step in the 12 and 12 states that having faith and then losing it was in many cases worse then never having any faith in the first place. That was my exact situation, self knowledge availed me nothing and faith without works is dead. There was nothing worse then somebody who had all of the answers for everybody else but was the furthest thing from being sober myself. Being dry in between binges and having self knowledge about the program was worse for me because at one time I really did have faith. The third step in the 12 and 12 makes it clear that when soldiers went overseas during WW-2 they had a better record of staying sober and had less negative emotional lapses then the AA folks safe at home did. This means that god is real because sometimes like the warriors overseas one cant always run to meetings for solace. No human power could have relieved our alcoholism. This means to me that maybe the people in the rooms collectively can and will help us to get and stay sober, however overall it must come from a higher source or being that goes above and beyond true knowledge or human understanding. A spiritual power greater then oneself makes a lot more sense then just straight out therapy because changing our thinking and feelings with cbt and dbt still comes down to self knowledge and intellectualization. A Pleasure Unwoven has clear examples where one can have the best of intentions and a lot of intelligence to back it up to not use again but then be out on a bender or a blackout in no time. This is what separates a true alcoholic from the "I am not sure moderation management wanna bes" You either have this disease or you don't and there is no middle ground or equivocation to rationalize just because one may want to leave an opening to use safely again. I didn't want to use when I came out of rehab in 2011 but ended up getting a dwi 10 weeks later. The spiritual aspect is the solution for me because spirituality supersedes science. For me it comes down to turning it over in the am. Imitation is the biggest form of flattery but if one is self righteous and dogmatic then that is setting a bad example as well. One of the best meditations I read was Bills the other day- We need to seek spirituality by desire rather then by decree. If somebody is putting the hammer down on us and trying to shove AA down our throat then we may have a tendency to rebel and head in the other direction. Its a program of attraction rather then promotion. In the beginning it would be good to get indoctrinated by either the courts etc or by sober home mandates but that should only be in the beginning. Maybe 3-6 months to get papers signed by the chairperson, by then one should know if they are in the right place or not. I feel that the combination of something like Smart Recovery and AA would be a bullet proof spiritual solution. Once we feel at home in the program then the fellowship takes over, the turning point is when we want to go to meetings as opposed to "have to" I have a debt of gratitude to AA, this program has saved my life and was freely given to me once again. I need to make sure to pay it forward one day at a time by practicing humility and giving back to others and being of service, That is also The Secret.