Surrender To Win

Stephen the warrior poet from Ireland that was his own private island wasn't right in the head. He was able to assist the Scots and show what he was really made of. I needed a lot of drugs to try to make me right in the head. I needed Zoloft, Gabapentin, Wellburtin, Vicodin, Percocet, Oxycontin, Dilaudid, Flexirel , Soma and weed for holistic measures. I definitely needed Tramadol because in Europe they use this for depression and chronic pain and I was so miserable that this was the perfect storm for my chronic back ailments as well as for my broken heart and shattered soul. I needed Adderall for sure because this was great for depression and tweaking me out in ways that only speed freaks can really relate to. Chasing dragons and justifying substances to fill up the hole in my soul called alcoholism. I threw down a few shots of left over booze that was in the apartment because this was definitely going to make me right in the head. Since I was so unique as an alcoholic I was going to take that secret to my grave. Because it was ok for me to justify all of these other meds but alcohol was the big kahuna and substance to be avoided like the plague since I never stopped acknowledging my alcoholism. I was too proud to want to admit that I threw down a few shots after my flood gates were opened up directly after my weed extravaganza. It didn't matter that it was 30 years since my last pot toke as soon as I puffed on that weed the mental obsession and dragon chasing became my primary purpose. I couldn't help but say yes to some cocaine as well during my marijuana maintenance binge. This only means that marijuana maintenance doesn't work for proud and pure alcoholics like me. Lets see what other drugs have I forgotten? Vyvance Strattera, Seroquel, Trazadone, I was a walking big pharma advertisement.  I needed the Vyvance for my ADD and low grade depression as well as to take the edge off because I had it all figured out. These are the drugs I ended up ingesting after walking away from the program. Jail, rehabs and being homeless sucked big time that is why one must surrender to win. I have no defense against the first drink or drug left to my own devises. I need the spiritual solution more then the chronic alcoholics need their spirits. Its cunning baffling and powerful. That is why I decided to become a big pharma advertisement even though at one point in my life I really had the promises. Why would somebody do all of these drugs even though I had the promises at one point? I had a built in forgetter and I was no longer grateful and humble. Some say that AA is a cult and that is why bad things end up happening to you once you leave. That isn't true at all. We end up doing bad things to ourselves because I was my own worst enemy, that is just how it rolls. The people in the program only try to help the rest is up to us. That is why we must surrender to win. Because it is a guarantee that bad things will happen to us once we leave the program. That is just the way it is, I have proven this way beyond a reasonable doubt. Look at all of these drugs I did to prove this. I cant forget about the shrooms hashish and mescaline that I did as a kid. I don't need to trip on Ibogaine however because for at least today I am right in the head. I did so many drugs in my life that I forgot about the most diabolical of them all- Mr Xanie Bar- Luficer himself- the devil drug that makes one black out and go clinically insane. Not to mention have withdrawal effects that would make the strongest of all people question if god is actually punishing them. So why would they prescribe a drug that does this to people, even people who aren't alcoholics like me end up going off the chart and over the edge? Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan anxiolytics, I did them all, they are  meant to drag us deep into the depths of hell, to actually see the grim reaper himself and they are meant to keep us there