Its the first drink that gets you drunk that is why my spiritual malady has to be addressed. The Big Book talks about a phenanomon of craving which means all bets are off once that first drink or drug is ingested. There is no real difference between a drug addict and alcoholic. Addressing the spiritual malady has very little to do with sitting around with a group of drunks just "white knuckling it" It means change, being humble and addressing the character defects. For example I was dry for a long time during various points in my life. I wasn't happy because I wasn't practicing a spiritual program. I did things that I was not proud of and this was when I was completely dry from all mood altering substances. That is why they say drinking is just a symptom of the disease. It can rear its ugly head in a myriad of ways. I remember binging on junk food when I was dry. I didn't have bulimia I was just unhappy. Emotional Dysregulation, that is what dry drunk alcoholism is all about. This is why people with many years of quality sobriety go to meetings almost daily. Drinking is off the table for them they go for the spiritual release, the ease and comfort that they feel around their fellow alcoholics. This is addressing the spiritual malady. Most of these people are actually recovered from this disease however they go to meetings because it greatly enhances the quality of their life. The Big Book has a chapter about a former USMC pilot who was thrown in Federal Prison as a Captain for a commercial airliner for being drunk. His quote "A coward dies a thousand deaths a brave man only once." He lost his wings and mostly everything else to go along with it but he stayed sober. He did about 15 months locked up but the Feds didn't want them congregating for their weekly AA meeting. Are you kidding me this is a perfect example of the screwed up system. Why wouldn't they encourage this considering most of the people in jail and prison have the disease of addiction? I went to some meetings in jail, I even went to confession. I wouldn't say that it was foxhole prayers because I wanted to stay clean and sober but this still didn't even stop me from using drugs in jail. I can relate to being in a spiritual abyss on more then one occasion. The only problem was that after jail I went back to my dry drunk ways, codependence and very few meetings. I didn't change or address the spiritual malady on a daily basis so this pretty much guaranteed that I would go back to mood altering substances. So if the phenomenon of craving goes off the charts once a substance is picked up life still isn't that great before this happens that is why the chemical abuse becomes imminent. The ability to justify drugs and alcohol after it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that one has the disease. That is one of the definitions of insanity that they talk about in the second step. Continued to do the same thing and expecting different results. My self esteem wasn't so great when I was abusing chemicals. It wasn't so great when I was dry either, that is one of the reasons I sought relief and solace in a power greater then myself which was drugs and alcohol. I had a spiritual awakening when I was in rehab. It wasn't a white light experience, it was just a realization that I went down the wrong path after I consciously repudiated the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Even when I had so called quality sobriety there was still a spiritual malady to some extent. There is no way however that one can address the spiritual malady without being sober and at least trying to practice the program on a daily basis. There are certain alcoholics the Big Book talks about that don't have a spiritual malady and are not really character defective they are simply allergic to alcohol. I used to think that I fell into that category however I learned that I am not. I have defects of character and resentments that will kill me. Today I am just another drunk trying to get better. The (Group Of Drunks) GOD- is definitely a power greater then myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment