This is a story of James D's long journey and path to enlightenment. James better known as Jimmy dropped out of Colgate University where he had a partial academic scholarship but decided to enlist in the USMC. He was intellectually curious but wasn't doing very well in school due to a plethora of partying. Jimmy ended up doing 1 tour in Ramadi and two tours in Afghanistan. He left the Marine Corps with a disability check and a lot of mental and physical problems to back it.
By his early 30's he acknowledged that his life didn't end up like he had hoped. One failed marriage with no solid career along with ptsd and chronic pain that hindered his ability to do the only thing he seemed to be qualified for, ie- manual labor. He filled in the gaps by reading at a rapacious pace and even went back to school to get his undergraduate degree. He majored in Philosophy, infact he was a Philosopher in one of his other lives during the Rennasaisamce Era. Even during his deployments during their downtime when his brother warriors were swapping muscle and fitness, muscle car and Playboy magazines he would much rather be off in his own little but big world reading about Socrates and Plato.
He was an alcoholic that found solace in washing down his benzos with Wild Turkey. Pain meds didn't seem to do that much for his pain, these didn't even seem to get him high, they made him feel sick. Therefore he didn't partake in ingesting Vicodin or Percocet very often, only when the pain became unbearable. In the interim booze seemed to do the job. The VA had him on a few anti depressants and he already had 1 detox as well as one 30 day rehab under his belt. Nothing seemed to be working out very well in Jimmy D's world as far as sobriety was concerned. He didn't think or feel that he was an alcoholic, he just knew that he drank too much and engaged in vituperative rages on a regular basis which seemed to lead to violence both verbal as well as physical.
He heard about AA and NA during rehab, detox and through the VA but would rather see a shrink instead. One morning after a hellacious bender that he didn't seem to remember he decided to give AA a shot. He read about a men's meeting around the corner and was soon there in a flash. One guy in the meeting seemed to go off the rails about god. Jimmy didn't think too highly of the Catholic church or organized religion in general for that matter. Between the pedophile priests, guilt trips, life long celibacy and having had his relatives that literally got the divinity beaten out of them by the nuns he was not very impressed to say the least. This one guy in the meeting stood up and said "how dare anybody have the sin to state that there may be no god." This man had fire in his eyes and had smoke that seemed to be coming out of both his ears and nose not to mention veins that were bulging out of his neck. He stomped his feet and shook his fists and made it appear that he would physically hit somebody if he were challenged on this.
Jimmy was impressed by his passion, certainly not his intellect but decided to ask him to be his sponsor anyway. He reminded him of some of the crazed devil dogs that he served with overseas. Jimmy was more or less an existential nihilist and even asked his sponsor if he knew about or what moral relativism was. It didn't go over that well. His new sponsor was named Rick. After a few sit downs and a few days of abstinence on Jimmy's side Rick decided to lay it on hard and heavy. He said "so where are you working"? Rick expected his new sponsees to be willing to go to any length and as far as he was concerned if somebody wasn't working that showed indolence and an overall basic lack of character. Jimmy explained that he had a disability check from Uncle Sam and his chronic pain and injuries that he suffered while serving his country left him physically handicapped from doing hard manual labor. Rick also explained to Jimmy that he had 5 sponsees that called him every day, went to 10 meetings a week and if he wasn't willing to go all the way and do this as well and completely surrender to god then he didn't have any time for him. He also explained that he was lazy and should be working because the GWOT was a long time ago. Two of his sponsees had companies where he could work, one was a moving company the other one was in construction. There would be no pay for the first week, it would be a non paid apprenticeship to see if he could handle the relentless pace as well as lift the heavy items like couches up staircases or to see if he could use the construction equipment efficiently. If he made the cut after the first week then it would be 11 dollars per hour but cash money with room for growth. After 6 months he could move up to 13 dollars or so but remember cash money. James was not impressed to say the least but decided to listen on.
Rick continued on with his chain smoking over weight and out of shape diatribe with more religious jargon. He didn't even finish one cigarette before he lit up another one and basically almost shouted at a high decibel level during what was supposed to be a normal conversation. He even dropped an f bomb or two. Rick stated that "the problem with todays rehabbers is that they feel that they are terminally unique, are way too self absorbed, they are a plague to our shrine, they aren't humble either and seem to have a sense of entitlement, most of them need to go back out to do more research." "The best place for them may very well be 6 feet under because if they cant see the light early on then that laced up dope will be gods way of dealing with people who don't know how or who aren't willing to surrender all the way". "Not only that we don't want to hear about drug use in our meetings, they don't really belong here".
James didn't know anything about how to fire a sponsor the only thing he knew for sure was that he was done with AA. After a few hard partying nights of booze and benzos he got a call from somebody that said that he was a friend of a friend and heard that he wanted to possibly mitigate his propensity for mood and mind altering substances. This was when he was introduced to his first SMART Recovery meeting. Luke picked him up in a 2013 SL65 AMG Mercedes and they swapped stories for a few. James asked him what his DOC was etc.. Luke seemed to have it all together, a smile on his face, not phony, in shape and appeared to be very happy and at peace. DOC Luke said wtf are you talking about what's that Department of Corrections? I was never in jail, rehab, nor was ever homeless. No what was your drug of choice James stated? Luke had a perplexed look on his face and stated- "Drug Of Choice, around here we don't use labels or jargon. I am not a drug addict nor an alcoholic. Around here we don't engage in negative sarcasm or judgment of others and we try not to make any self deprecating comments. I am just a human being that likes to help and empower others with no strings attached. I believe in a power, the power of choice and the power to change ones negative thinking patterns". "As far as my vices, lets see I don't smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or use drugs especially non narcotic meds. I used to do a lot of blow and bed a lot of beautiful women. The strippers on the circuit and the Victoria Secret types. I usually never went to bed alone but that doesn't mean that I wasn't very lonely. This is when I learned about The Law Of Attraction and Quantum Fields because this was also around the same time that I hit an emotional bottom. Today I am 6 years clean and sober and happily married to one of the girls that I used to sleep with. She was looking for something a lot more as well but she just didn't know it or realize it at the time. She is as smart as they come and works in our business. Today we have wealth but don't' have to chase after money, it just seems to come to us. Believe it or not we never even fight, we are both mindful and actually try to practice what we share with others. As a matter of fact you can start working for us at $25 per hour for starters and don't have to do anything except answer some phones. After a few months we will raise it to $35 per hour but you may have to stuff a few envelopes as well. Other then that we will go to SMART meetings together, read some books, attend some seminars and have group dialogues with many of the other like minded individuals. There is a catch however. We don't hoard our Secret Sauce. There are no patents, non competes or non disclosures to sign. Once you transfer over to the path of spiritual enlightenment you must give it away to others. This is the only way that it works. The only way to keep it is for us to give it away freely and without reservation, the same way it will be freely given to you". James thought that this was too good to be true and that there must be some catch or some back stabbing twist involved in all of this. No Luke stated have some faith, time will prove this to you. The obsession to drink and drug left James permanently shortly thereafter, today he has 3 years clean and sober. No relapses or recurrences and a great looking girlfriend that is actually nice to him. As long as he continues to give away what was freely given then today nobody has to tell him that he will stay happy and sober until the end of time.
By his early 30's he acknowledged that his life didn't end up like he had hoped. One failed marriage with no solid career along with ptsd and chronic pain that hindered his ability to do the only thing he seemed to be qualified for, ie- manual labor. He filled in the gaps by reading at a rapacious pace and even went back to school to get his undergraduate degree. He majored in Philosophy, infact he was a Philosopher in one of his other lives during the Rennasaisamce Era. Even during his deployments during their downtime when his brother warriors were swapping muscle and fitness, muscle car and Playboy magazines he would much rather be off in his own little but big world reading about Socrates and Plato.
He was an alcoholic that found solace in washing down his benzos with Wild Turkey. Pain meds didn't seem to do that much for his pain, these didn't even seem to get him high, they made him feel sick. Therefore he didn't partake in ingesting Vicodin or Percocet very often, only when the pain became unbearable. In the interim booze seemed to do the job. The VA had him on a few anti depressants and he already had 1 detox as well as one 30 day rehab under his belt. Nothing seemed to be working out very well in Jimmy D's world as far as sobriety was concerned. He didn't think or feel that he was an alcoholic, he just knew that he drank too much and engaged in vituperative rages on a regular basis which seemed to lead to violence both verbal as well as physical.
He heard about AA and NA during rehab, detox and through the VA but would rather see a shrink instead. One morning after a hellacious bender that he didn't seem to remember he decided to give AA a shot. He read about a men's meeting around the corner and was soon there in a flash. One guy in the meeting seemed to go off the rails about god. Jimmy didn't think too highly of the Catholic church or organized religion in general for that matter. Between the pedophile priests, guilt trips, life long celibacy and having had his relatives that literally got the divinity beaten out of them by the nuns he was not very impressed to say the least. This one guy in the meeting stood up and said "how dare anybody have the sin to state that there may be no god." This man had fire in his eyes and had smoke that seemed to be coming out of both his ears and nose not to mention veins that were bulging out of his neck. He stomped his feet and shook his fists and made it appear that he would physically hit somebody if he were challenged on this.
Jimmy was impressed by his passion, certainly not his intellect but decided to ask him to be his sponsor anyway. He reminded him of some of the crazed devil dogs that he served with overseas. Jimmy was more or less an existential nihilist and even asked his sponsor if he knew about or what moral relativism was. It didn't go over that well. His new sponsor was named Rick. After a few sit downs and a few days of abstinence on Jimmy's side Rick decided to lay it on hard and heavy. He said "so where are you working"? Rick expected his new sponsees to be willing to go to any length and as far as he was concerned if somebody wasn't working that showed indolence and an overall basic lack of character. Jimmy explained that he had a disability check from Uncle Sam and his chronic pain and injuries that he suffered while serving his country left him physically handicapped from doing hard manual labor. Rick also explained to Jimmy that he had 5 sponsees that called him every day, went to 10 meetings a week and if he wasn't willing to go all the way and do this as well and completely surrender to god then he didn't have any time for him. He also explained that he was lazy and should be working because the GWOT was a long time ago. Two of his sponsees had companies where he could work, one was a moving company the other one was in construction. There would be no pay for the first week, it would be a non paid apprenticeship to see if he could handle the relentless pace as well as lift the heavy items like couches up staircases or to see if he could use the construction equipment efficiently. If he made the cut after the first week then it would be 11 dollars per hour but cash money with room for growth. After 6 months he could move up to 13 dollars or so but remember cash money. James was not impressed to say the least but decided to listen on.
Rick continued on with his chain smoking over weight and out of shape diatribe with more religious jargon. He didn't even finish one cigarette before he lit up another one and basically almost shouted at a high decibel level during what was supposed to be a normal conversation. He even dropped an f bomb or two. Rick stated that "the problem with todays rehabbers is that they feel that they are terminally unique, are way too self absorbed, they are a plague to our shrine, they aren't humble either and seem to have a sense of entitlement, most of them need to go back out to do more research." "The best place for them may very well be 6 feet under because if they cant see the light early on then that laced up dope will be gods way of dealing with people who don't know how or who aren't willing to surrender all the way". "Not only that we don't want to hear about drug use in our meetings, they don't really belong here".
James didn't know anything about how to fire a sponsor the only thing he knew for sure was that he was done with AA. After a few hard partying nights of booze and benzos he got a call from somebody that said that he was a friend of a friend and heard that he wanted to possibly mitigate his propensity for mood and mind altering substances. This was when he was introduced to his first SMART Recovery meeting. Luke picked him up in a 2013 SL65 AMG Mercedes and they swapped stories for a few. James asked him what his DOC was etc.. Luke seemed to have it all together, a smile on his face, not phony, in shape and appeared to be very happy and at peace. DOC Luke said wtf are you talking about what's that Department of Corrections? I was never in jail, rehab, nor was ever homeless. No what was your drug of choice James stated? Luke had a perplexed look on his face and stated- "Drug Of Choice, around here we don't use labels or jargon. I am not a drug addict nor an alcoholic. Around here we don't engage in negative sarcasm or judgment of others and we try not to make any self deprecating comments. I am just a human being that likes to help and empower others with no strings attached. I believe in a power, the power of choice and the power to change ones negative thinking patterns". "As far as my vices, lets see I don't smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or use drugs especially non narcotic meds. I used to do a lot of blow and bed a lot of beautiful women. The strippers on the circuit and the Victoria Secret types. I usually never went to bed alone but that doesn't mean that I wasn't very lonely. This is when I learned about The Law Of Attraction and Quantum Fields because this was also around the same time that I hit an emotional bottom. Today I am 6 years clean and sober and happily married to one of the girls that I used to sleep with. She was looking for something a lot more as well but she just didn't know it or realize it at the time. She is as smart as they come and works in our business. Today we have wealth but don't' have to chase after money, it just seems to come to us. Believe it or not we never even fight, we are both mindful and actually try to practice what we share with others. As a matter of fact you can start working for us at $25 per hour for starters and don't have to do anything except answer some phones. After a few months we will raise it to $35 per hour but you may have to stuff a few envelopes as well. Other then that we will go to SMART meetings together, read some books, attend some seminars and have group dialogues with many of the other like minded individuals. There is a catch however. We don't hoard our Secret Sauce. There are no patents, non competes or non disclosures to sign. Once you transfer over to the path of spiritual enlightenment you must give it away to others. This is the only way that it works. The only way to keep it is for us to give it away freely and without reservation, the same way it will be freely given to you". James thought that this was too good to be true and that there must be some catch or some back stabbing twist involved in all of this. No Luke stated have some faith, time will prove this to you. The obsession to drink and drug left James permanently shortly thereafter, today he has 3 years clean and sober. No relapses or recurrences and a great looking girlfriend that is actually nice to him. As long as he continues to give away what was freely given then today nobody has to tell him that he will stay happy and sober until the end of time.
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