I had a dream yesterday morning and Bill W was in it. He was still alive, he looked like a combination of James Woods and the real picture that I saw of him. We were at a meeting, last month I dreamt that I slugged down a few shots of JD so it looks like I am making some progress. I am the guy that is described in The Big Book who basks in the Fla sunshine and complains about the sad state of the nation. That is me to a T or I should state that was me up until my latest revelations.
There are a few books that I would call potentially life saving and or changing. The Big Book, The Power Of Now, The Secret and Drop The Rock. I saw the 2 hour seminar with Bill P. but wasn't able to grasp the full essence of his message until I read the book. This was the shortest but longest book that I have ever read. That is because it is only like 100 pages but it is so concise and filled up with so much spiritual information that it still took me many hours to read it. I admire his conviction and his desire to tell it the way that he feels that it is. It's about the 6th and 7th steps, he makes it very clear that these are definitely action steps and not a rest on your laurels type proposition. I can see how people can break down this book and have study groups and even meetings just like the Big Book. I found a rock that is painted red and I have now dropped it. I am now keeping it as a gratitude rock. Progress not perfection, easy does it but do it. I like to bask in self righteous anger but this is poison. That is because as the Buddha explains when the hot anger stone is lifted and thrown at your opponent you are only burning yourself in the process. Anger and rage is poison. I liked to hold on to some of that anger and resentment because it is an intoxicant just like booze. "Anger is emotional drunkenness"-pp-46 False pride that is another one to look out for.
The morning reflection the other day said that we should possibly make AA a life study. I take the program seriously because I don't want to be a miserable dry drunk. Unless I start to operate on a higher level frequency I will never be able to reach my full potential. This means reading Drop The Rock more then once and recommending it to others. It states in the second step of the 12 and 12 that we may not want to do this kind of work unless our own lives are dependent on it. That is how I look at it as well, cbt- dbt and changing my negative thought patterns. That means not complaining about what I don't have or the sad state of affairs in this country and or the criminal politicians because that has been my mo up until very recently. Drop The Rock explains how this is a program not of getting but rather of giving and getting rid of important things. Important things that aren't so important but dangerous to hold onto- like anger and resentment, self righteousness, being dogmatic and sitting on top of some sort of moral, intellectual or spiritual pedestal.
The one critique I have is the man who didn't feel that he was working his program hard enough because he was over weight. He made a pejorative comment about himself that went something like this- "that is how sick I was even in sobriety." This has been my critique of the program since day 1. In other words the negative self talk and continuous dogma and negative criticism we sometimes place on ourselves that seems to come from the higher ups or some type of super ego platform. Another one is "we are here because we are not all there." For starters anybody who has the courage to confront his/her demons even if they continually struggle with this has a lot more spiritual insight in more ways then one then the average Joe Blow off the street. The people that I have met in recovery are some of the wisest most squared away people that I have ever met. That is why pejorative comments about oneself and others especially behind their back is never very helpful. That is why Smart Recovery is attempting to change a lot of this. In other words if you are struggling but keep having recurrences or relapses for lack of a better word you still aren't failing, you are still making progress. I don't know about anybody else but my self esteem has taken a serious beating over the years so I could use some positive reinforcement and encouragement. The one avenue I cant agree with is the time aspect however. Steps 6 and 7 is the beginning of a life long journey. This means that if we dig deep enough the psychic change has either occurred or will occur and along with this the phenomenon of craving will have disappeared long before. This means that we don't have to go back out again nor would we ever feel the urge to do this and if we do then we need to find out why. That is of course unless somebody doesn't mind the vicious cycle of jails, institutions homelessness and ultimately death. It is a brutal disease that cant be sugarcoated but there is an easier and softer way.
If somebody has 5 years and then goes back out they still don't have 5 years. This means that they either never got sober to begin with meaning that their mind, body and soul didn't change that much or because they stopped their daily vigilance just like I did many years ago. That is why we say "surrender to win". If somebody cant relate to jails, institutions, becoming homeless and ultimately death then there must be some negative consequence that went along with their alcohol/drug use otherwise they wouldn't have been in the rooms to begin with. Some people like to hang out for the fellowship however, I can understand this but I still cant relate. If somebody doesn't feel on a gut level that there life is on the line and or come to this realization somewhere along the way hopefully sooner rather then later then I don't want to associate with them for toast and tea.
There are a few books that I would call potentially life saving and or changing. The Big Book, The Power Of Now, The Secret and Drop The Rock. I saw the 2 hour seminar with Bill P. but wasn't able to grasp the full essence of his message until I read the book. This was the shortest but longest book that I have ever read. That is because it is only like 100 pages but it is so concise and filled up with so much spiritual information that it still took me many hours to read it. I admire his conviction and his desire to tell it the way that he feels that it is. It's about the 6th and 7th steps, he makes it very clear that these are definitely action steps and not a rest on your laurels type proposition. I can see how people can break down this book and have study groups and even meetings just like the Big Book. I found a rock that is painted red and I have now dropped it. I am now keeping it as a gratitude rock. Progress not perfection, easy does it but do it. I like to bask in self righteous anger but this is poison. That is because as the Buddha explains when the hot anger stone is lifted and thrown at your opponent you are only burning yourself in the process. Anger and rage is poison. I liked to hold on to some of that anger and resentment because it is an intoxicant just like booze. "Anger is emotional drunkenness"-pp-46 False pride that is another one to look out for.
The morning reflection the other day said that we should possibly make AA a life study. I take the program seriously because I don't want to be a miserable dry drunk. Unless I start to operate on a higher level frequency I will never be able to reach my full potential. This means reading Drop The Rock more then once and recommending it to others. It states in the second step of the 12 and 12 that we may not want to do this kind of work unless our own lives are dependent on it. That is how I look at it as well, cbt- dbt and changing my negative thought patterns. That means not complaining about what I don't have or the sad state of affairs in this country and or the criminal politicians because that has been my mo up until very recently. Drop The Rock explains how this is a program not of getting but rather of giving and getting rid of important things. Important things that aren't so important but dangerous to hold onto- like anger and resentment, self righteousness, being dogmatic and sitting on top of some sort of moral, intellectual or spiritual pedestal.
The one critique I have is the man who didn't feel that he was working his program hard enough because he was over weight. He made a pejorative comment about himself that went something like this- "that is how sick I was even in sobriety." This has been my critique of the program since day 1. In other words the negative self talk and continuous dogma and negative criticism we sometimes place on ourselves that seems to come from the higher ups or some type of super ego platform. Another one is "we are here because we are not all there." For starters anybody who has the courage to confront his/her demons even if they continually struggle with this has a lot more spiritual insight in more ways then one then the average Joe Blow off the street. The people that I have met in recovery are some of the wisest most squared away people that I have ever met. That is why pejorative comments about oneself and others especially behind their back is never very helpful. That is why Smart Recovery is attempting to change a lot of this. In other words if you are struggling but keep having recurrences or relapses for lack of a better word you still aren't failing, you are still making progress. I don't know about anybody else but my self esteem has taken a serious beating over the years so I could use some positive reinforcement and encouragement. The one avenue I cant agree with is the time aspect however. Steps 6 and 7 is the beginning of a life long journey. This means that if we dig deep enough the psychic change has either occurred or will occur and along with this the phenomenon of craving will have disappeared long before. This means that we don't have to go back out again nor would we ever feel the urge to do this and if we do then we need to find out why. That is of course unless somebody doesn't mind the vicious cycle of jails, institutions homelessness and ultimately death. It is a brutal disease that cant be sugarcoated but there is an easier and softer way.
If somebody has 5 years and then goes back out they still don't have 5 years. This means that they either never got sober to begin with meaning that their mind, body and soul didn't change that much or because they stopped their daily vigilance just like I did many years ago. That is why we say "surrender to win". If somebody cant relate to jails, institutions, becoming homeless and ultimately death then there must be some negative consequence that went along with their alcohol/drug use otherwise they wouldn't have been in the rooms to begin with. Some people like to hang out for the fellowship however, I can understand this but I still cant relate. If somebody doesn't feel on a gut level that there life is on the line and or come to this realization somewhere along the way hopefully sooner rather then later then I don't want to associate with them for toast and tea.
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